The Game That Shaped Me

11 years ago. It was my last game playing for SCU. This was also the first time in my life I voluntarily said no to the game I loved. It still feels surreal. I had the option to play another season, but my body was wrecked. My hopes of playing professionally pretty much fizzled. A part of me died that year. The idea of not competing competitively anymore was a tough pill to swallow. 

Something else important happened at this moment. I truly listened to my body and what was best for me. It was the first time I said a big yes to my health. I put my ego in the backseat. The competitor in me till this point was relentless. I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to keep playing even after all my setbacks & injuries. I was pretty crazy. 

It was finally time to listen and say no. "You did your job. You did good enough. You accomplished a lot! You can play pickup after this for a long time. But you don’t need to put yourself through this anymore. You’ve had enough concussions." I sacrificed a lot of myself as a goalkeeper. 

I wouldn’t have traded my soccer journey for anything else. The game gave me so much. It gave me a burning desire as fuel for my entire youth. I have many memories of ecstatic joy. Friendships I’ll cherish forever. Travel experiences worldwide. Coaches and teammates who still inspire me to this day. 

Soccer gave me the focus and drive that I needed. It taught me the power consistency. Soccer made me believe in myself. Even when the odds were stacked against me, I had to trust. I learned how to receive criticism with an open mind and heart. I was my own worst enemy at times. Looking back, these were all opportunities to accept myself even more.   

It is a special feeling to show up and be part of a team day after day, season after season. Being part of a big mission lights a fire under your belly. I feel nostalgia thinking about some of the most mundane drills we did again and again. It’s comforting to have routines. 

Soccer taught me how important it is to take care of our minds and bodies. I needed the physical strength and endurance to perform. I needed the mindset and the decision making. I needed to train and prepare myself to thrive. There’s a lot I know now that I wish I could teach my younger self. 

Soccer gave me the tough realization that in one split second, I could have it all stripped away from me. A kick to the face. A slide tackle to the neck. Boom. And I was never the same after that. We can’t take anything for granted. 

And probably one of the most important lessons for me was realizing that my inherent value as an individual is not just about my performance and accomplishments. I relied so much on external validation. It took years to realize that I sourced my worth from how I played. 

And the irony is in letting go of the attachment to the outcome, we can still play freely, perform well, and do spectacular things. We can still put our heart on the line. When we operate from a place of love instead of fear, big magic happens.

There’s so much gratitude I have. Especially to all my coaches, teammates, family, and friends who supported me. I’ve been blessed with so much. I’m also grateful I get to share what I’ve been gifted from my experiences with this game.