If I Could Coach My 15 Year Old Self

my club team at regional Finals

I had a successful youth sports career by many standards. I was MVP of my team and athletic league in high school, I played for one of the best club soccer teams in the US, and made my way onto a DI team in college. 

From the outside, my accomplishments were pretty impressive. What many people couldn’t see was what was happening on the inside. A series of joint injuries and concussions put me on the sidelines many times, forcing me to go through the arduous process of rehab, regaining my confidence, and vying for playing time. But this was just part of the battle. 

The battle that goes on in one’s mind is the toughest of them all. In the ancient vedic text, The Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells the world's greatest archer Arjuna before his greatest battle, “You must first win the war inside before winning the battle out there.” What he is referring to is the battle between the different parts of ourselves and our emotions. 

Have you ever gotten in your own way and let fear take over? Have you ever lost control of your anger and did something you regret? Have you allowed greed to push you to the brink? 

The hidden side of sports and life is that we are all going through some sort of battle in the mind. Sports is a competition after all. What happens on the inside is a match with the inner critic. An incessant voice in your head that judges every move, telling you what to do and what not to do. What could be better, and what mistakes you made. It relishes in a good play, but then is hungry for more the next minute. 

And in my experience, there was a constant comparison in my head - telling me how I matched up against my teammates and opponents. The comparison was so strong because ultimately there was a part of me that never felt good enough.

All these voices are part of the game, and part of our daily life. So, what if we had a guidebook on how to navigate the mind? What if we learned how to work with these strong voices of the inner critic and relate to them in a way that helped our performance? What if we had a lesson plan on how to channel our anger and dance with our fear?

Inside every person is a young child who’s desperate for acknowledgement. What if we had the knowledge and the guidance to become our own captain and inner coach?

From a foundational health perspective, we also need to be strong, mobile, and fit. What if there was a training program that helped me develop a rock solid foundation in my body so that I experienced fewer injuries? And even if I did get those inevitable tears and sprains, I would be much more resilient. 

This is the reason why I’ve been so inspired to create the Young Warrior Academy. There are many aspects of health and mindset that impact our performance on the field and in our lives. I have experienced so many areas of pain that I wish I had guidance on as a youth athlete. 

If I had the tools back then, I know I would have had more confidence in my mind and strength in my body. I would have approached playing from a more level headed mindset, allowing for more creativity and states of flow. Ultimately, sports is an activity that can allow us to experience more joy on top of all the competition and achievements. 

What Is Mindfulness, Really?

I used to think that mindfulness and meditation was all about finding inner peace. While partly true, the real practice can often times be really challenging, messy, and painful. The truth is, when you bring your full awareness to everything that is present, it allows room for all sides of ourselves to emerge - the light and the dark, the wild and crazy thoughts.

Then there’s the full range of emotions - anger, shame, uncertainty, fear, guilt, jealousy, in addition to joy, creativity, love, compassion. When we welcome all the thoughts and sensations to come visit us with open arms and non-judgment (as Rumi shares in his poem, The Guesthouse), we create a loving power within ourselves that’s expansive and free. In other words, we create the capacity to handle the ups and downs that life brings us with a greater sense of resilience, strength, and joy.

The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

***

If you are interested in feeling more free and alive, in mind and body, reach out to learn more. I’m currently opening up spots for 1:1 coaching. If you’re looking for a quick fix, it’s not for you. If you’re willing to dig deeper and go through the process of addressing your health and life challenges from the root level, then it might be a great opportunity to do so.

What Are You Really Hungry For??

A question I’ve been asking myself and my clients lately is this: 

“What are you really hungry for?”

You may be thinking of guacamole, pizza, mashed potatoes, or burgers…

But I’m going a layer deeper here. 

I’m talking about the moments late at night where we feel the craving to snack, binge, or check our phone for the 78th time of the day (who’s counting anyway?)...

In these moments, it’s important to pause, take a breath, and then connect with the question. 

Am I craving relaxation? Peace? Am I hungry for connection? Am I needing to talk to someone? Am I actually just thirsty? 

Oftentimes, it’s simply a feeling of discomfort that we want to avoid. So, if we can take that pause and be with the sensation for a little bit, we’re going to move towards the underlying need and comfort ourselves in the process. 

It takes patience and repetition and spending time with the discomfort. And then all of a sudden, we get to a point where we’re more self-reliant.  We become less dependent on external stimuli or food to satisfy our cravings. That’s freedom. That’s peace of mind.

A Holistic Approach to Healing Back Pain

“True power is living the realization that you are your own healer, hero, and leader” -Yung Pueblo

Throughout my journey with chronic pain, I’ve recognized that one of the most important things we can do is develop a better relationship with our psyche. The mind is a powerful thing - in one way it can make us feel invincible and in some ways the mind can wreak havoc upon us when unconscious. 

A huge component to creating any change in our health and lifestyle involves looking deeper into ourselves. Identifying underlying patterns that may be creating some form of resistance or fear. And it takes courage to look at parts of ourselves we easily ignore. 

I’d like to share some of my story about chronic pain and how it led me towards a more holistic approach to healing.   

My life changed dramatically 16 years ago when I started to feel stinging nerve pain down the back of my left knee and leg. While I was unaware at the time, this onset of pain would lead me down a path into the wellness world that has been unexpected and rewarding in ways I could not have imagined. It has shaped the way I’ve related with myself and the world around me. 

I was a competitive athlete in my youth and often pushed the limits of my capabilities. I was extremely focused on achievement and was often caught up in the “not good enough” mentality. This mindset I had at the time propelled me through many grueling experiences and some sweet memories I enjoyed out on the field. 

“No pain no gain” had quite the imprint upon my psyche at the time. I just wasn’t aware of where to draw the line between the healthy kind of pain and the “not good” pain. So I became an expert at pushing through and avoiding signals from my mind and body. After going through enough pain teachings I realized that if I didn’t change, I was putting myself on a path towards an unhealthy future. 

***

As part of the rehab with my injuries, I had the experience of visiting all sorts of doctors and healers. Western medicine was great when I had severe issues and emergencies. It literally saved my life. Where I started to make progress was when I began seeing practitioners who focused on identifying root issues to my injuries. I started to understand the body from a deeper and holistic standpoint. 

From a physical lens, I began to see how intricately linked different parts of the body were to create proper alignment and function. Like how my hip function and foot stability were tied to my knee issues.

From a psychological lens, I started to learn how stress, emotions, and mindset affect the body’s capability to heal and recover. I began working with practitioners of modalities like breathwork, meditation, psychology, plant medicines, ayurveda, acupuncture, qigong, sound healing, and more energy woo-woo stuff :) 

These modalities helped me explore the subconscious and understand how deeper rooted causes of my pain came from beliefs I had about myself or stuck energies like shame and doubt.

I saw that the issues I was having with back pain were much more than just the structural components and function. I was having energetic blockages that contributed to my sense of wellbeing. Working with energy practitioners helped me see that at the root of physical pain is a blockage at the mental, emotional, and spiritual level.

For one, I was repressing a lot of hurt and anger. I was very harsh on myself. I had a lot of negative self-talk when I was an athlete. Replaying stories in my head all the time about the mistakes I made. It only created more rigidity in my mind, and in turn my body. 

By combining the work on my physical body with mindfulness practices and modalities that help me release emotional energies, I started to make tremendous strides in improving my levels of pain and overall health.

***

Having the support and guidance from many talented and compassionate practitioners has been a godsend. While they were able to guide me towards more insight, what took me a while to learn was that I had to take initiative and put the power of healing back into my own hands. I had to show up for myself everyday, do my exercises, and the little things that would start to make shifts in my mindset and physical health. 

For a long time, I was seeking out other people to fix me. In the world of healthcare, we are often told we need the procedure or the pill. While this can help in acute cases, we must remember to put the work into taking care of our mind and body. We must take care of the foundations of our health like eating, breathing, sleeping, thinking, and movement, and most importantly have the belief that we can change. 

Looking back, what I am most grateful for is the wisdom my own pain and suffering has taught me and continues to teach me. And with it, the realization that our greatest power is that we are our own best teachers and healers once we dive into our deep inner guidance.

***

If you are interested in working with me, check out my offerings here.

The Game That Shaped Me

11 years ago. It was my last game playing for SCU. This was also the first time in my life I voluntarily said no to the game I loved. It still feels surreal. I had the option to play another season, but my body was wrecked. My hopes of playing professionally pretty much fizzled. A part of me died that year. The idea of not competing competitively anymore was a tough pill to swallow. 

Something else important happened at this moment. I truly listened to my body and what was best for me. It was the first time I said a big yes to my health. I put my ego in the backseat. The competitor in me till this point was relentless. I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to keep playing even after all my setbacks & injuries. I was pretty crazy. 

It was finally time to listen and say no. "You did your job. You did good enough. You accomplished a lot! You can play pickup after this for a long time. But you don’t need to put yourself through this anymore. You’ve had enough concussions." I sacrificed a lot of myself as a goalkeeper. 

I wouldn’t have traded my soccer journey for anything else. The game gave me so much. It gave me a burning desire as fuel for my entire youth. I have many memories of ecstatic joy. Friendships I’ll cherish forever. Travel experiences worldwide. Coaches and teammates who still inspire me to this day. 

Soccer gave me the focus and drive that I needed. It taught me the power consistency. Soccer made me believe in myself. Even when the odds were stacked against me, I had to trust. I learned how to receive criticism with an open mind and heart. I was my own worst enemy at times. Looking back, these were all opportunities to accept myself even more.   

It is a special feeling to show up and be part of a team day after day, season after season. Being part of a big mission lights a fire under your belly. I feel nostalgia thinking about some of the most mundane drills we did again and again. It’s comforting to have routines. 

Soccer taught me how important it is to take care of our minds and bodies. I needed the physical strength and endurance to perform. I needed the mindset and the decision making. I needed to train and prepare myself to thrive. There’s a lot I know now that I wish I could teach my younger self. 

Soccer gave me the tough realization that in one split second, I could have it all stripped away from me. A kick to the face. A slide tackle to the neck. Boom. And I was never the same after that. We can’t take anything for granted. 

And probably one of the most important lessons for me was realizing that my inherent value as an individual is not just about my performance and accomplishments. I relied so much on external validation. It took years to realize that I sourced my worth from how I played. 

And the irony is in letting go of the attachment to the outcome, we can still play freely, perform well, and do spectacular things. We can still put our heart on the line. When we operate from a place of love instead of fear, big magic happens.

There’s so much gratitude I have. Especially to all my coaches, teammates, family, and friends who supported me. I’ve been blessed with so much. I’m also grateful I get to share what I’ve been gifted from my experiences with this game. 

Zen Running: A Meditation Alternative for Beginners

I’m a big believer that anything can be a meditation if you approach it with the right mindset. I view meditation as a practice of developing attention and awareness in the present moment.

Growing up as an athlete and someone who struggled to sit still for even a minute, I’ve witnessed how progress is possible in something that at one point felt like a major challenge and scared me. As I’ve practiced over the years, I’ve become more comfortable with meditation. 

With any practice or habit that is part of my life, I often reflect on its benefit. Why do I do it in the first place? How is it helping me?

I want my life to flow with more ease and less stress. I want to regulate my emotions in a healthy way. I want to deepen my intuition and my focus. Meditation has helped improve all these areas of my life. 

So, then I ask, how do I find a meditative state of awareness throughout my day, as much as possible? 

Anything, like writing this, can be a practice of meditation if we approach it with the mindset of deep awareness. 

If you are struggling to find consistency with meditation, I’d like to share my current practice that I call zen running. 

How I do zen running:

• I go on a slow jog at a pace that I can maintain a calm breath rate (about 3 sec inhale & exhale)

• I breathe through my nostrils with my mouth closed

• I focus my awareness on the sights, sounds, and sensations I’m experiencing

• I don’t worry about distance, speed, or getting anywhere

• I run for an amount of time that feels good whether it’s 5 or 30 minutes

While most of my running and physical training history has focused on performance, this is quite the opposite. Like any practice, start with an amount of time that you are confident and excited to commit to. Then build up if you like.

The benefits I experience:

• Focusing on the breath allows me to be present

• Breathing slow improves the efficiency of my cardiovascular system

• Increasing awareness allows me to enjoy the sights and sounds in more detail

• Getting outdoors, especially in nature, boosts the immune system

• I’m able to mentally relax more since I’m not focused on making a certain time or distance 

• Great for an active recovery day since it’s less taxing on the body than a higher intensity workout

Give it a try. Let me know what you think!