If I Could Coach My 15 Year Old Self

my club team at regional Finals

I had a successful youth sports career by many standards. I was MVP of my team and athletic league in high school, I played for one of the best club soccer teams in the US, and made my way onto a DI team in college. 

From the outside, my accomplishments were pretty impressive. What many people couldn’t see was what was happening on the inside. A series of joint injuries and concussions put me on the sidelines many times, forcing me to go through the arduous process of rehab, regaining my confidence, and vying for playing time. But this was just part of the battle. 

The battle that goes on in one’s mind is the toughest of them all. In the ancient vedic text, The Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells the world's greatest archer Arjuna before his greatest battle, “You must first win the war inside before winning the battle out there.” What he is referring to is the battle between the different parts of ourselves and our emotions. 

Have you ever gotten in your own way and let fear take over? Have you ever lost control of your anger and did something you regret? Have you allowed greed to push you to the brink? 

The hidden side of sports and life is that we are all going through some sort of battle in the mind. Sports is a competition after all. What happens on the inside is a match with the inner critic. An incessant voice in your head that judges every move, telling you what to do and what not to do. What could be better, and what mistakes you made. It relishes in a good play, but then is hungry for more the next minute. 

And in my experience, there was a constant comparison in my head - telling me how I matched up against my teammates and opponents. The comparison was so strong because ultimately there was a part of me that never felt good enough.

All these voices are part of the game, and part of our daily life. So, what if we had a guidebook on how to navigate the mind? What if we learned how to work with these strong voices of the inner critic and relate to them in a way that helped our performance? What if we had a lesson plan on how to channel our anger and dance with our fear?

Inside every person is a young child who’s desperate for acknowledgement. What if we had the knowledge and the guidance to become our own captain and inner coach?

From a foundational health perspective, we also need to be strong, mobile, and fit. What if there was a training program that helped me develop a rock solid foundation in my body so that I experienced fewer injuries? And even if I did get those inevitable tears and sprains, I would be much more resilient. 

This is the reason why I’ve been so inspired to create the Young Warrior Academy. There are many aspects of health and mindset that impact our performance on the field and in our lives. I have experienced so many areas of pain that I wish I had guidance on as a youth athlete. 

If I had the tools back then, I know I would have had more confidence in my mind and strength in my body. I would have approached playing from a more level headed mindset, allowing for more creativity and states of flow. Ultimately, sports is an activity that can allow us to experience more joy on top of all the competition and achievements. 

The Game That Shaped Me

11 years ago. It was my last game playing for SCU. This was also the first time in my life I voluntarily said no to the game I loved. It still feels surreal. I had the option to play another season, but my body was wrecked. My hopes of playing professionally pretty much fizzled. A part of me died that year. The idea of not competing competitively anymore was a tough pill to swallow. 

Something else important happened at this moment. I truly listened to my body and what was best for me. It was the first time I said a big yes to my health. I put my ego in the backseat. The competitor in me till this point was relentless. I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to keep playing even after all my setbacks & injuries. I was pretty crazy. 

It was finally time to listen and say no. "You did your job. You did good enough. You accomplished a lot! You can play pickup after this for a long time. But you don’t need to put yourself through this anymore. You’ve had enough concussions." I sacrificed a lot of myself as a goalkeeper. 

I wouldn’t have traded my soccer journey for anything else. The game gave me so much. It gave me a burning desire as fuel for my entire youth. I have many memories of ecstatic joy. Friendships I’ll cherish forever. Travel experiences worldwide. Coaches and teammates who still inspire me to this day. 

Soccer gave me the focus and drive that I needed. It taught me the power consistency. Soccer made me believe in myself. Even when the odds were stacked against me, I had to trust. I learned how to receive criticism with an open mind and heart. I was my own worst enemy at times. Looking back, these were all opportunities to accept myself even more.   

It is a special feeling to show up and be part of a team day after day, season after season. Being part of a big mission lights a fire under your belly. I feel nostalgia thinking about some of the most mundane drills we did again and again. It’s comforting to have routines. 

Soccer taught me how important it is to take care of our minds and bodies. I needed the physical strength and endurance to perform. I needed the mindset and the decision making. I needed to train and prepare myself to thrive. There’s a lot I know now that I wish I could teach my younger self. 

Soccer gave me the tough realization that in one split second, I could have it all stripped away from me. A kick to the face. A slide tackle to the neck. Boom. And I was never the same after that. We can’t take anything for granted. 

And probably one of the most important lessons for me was realizing that my inherent value as an individual is not just about my performance and accomplishments. I relied so much on external validation. It took years to realize that I sourced my worth from how I played. 

And the irony is in letting go of the attachment to the outcome, we can still play freely, perform well, and do spectacular things. We can still put our heart on the line. When we operate from a place of love instead of fear, big magic happens.

There’s so much gratitude I have. Especially to all my coaches, teammates, family, and friends who supported me. I’ve been blessed with so much. I’m also grateful I get to share what I’ve been gifted from my experiences with this game.